adharma | . . . question meme . . .

• SO REALLY THE WHOLE NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT RUBY (in mukurovision) EXCEPT ME AND WRATH kind of rocked the boat a lot. IT ROCKED THE BOAT COS GAWD NOW I CAN'T TRUST ANY OF YOU and then it rocked the boat even more because Mukuro felt really stupid. Like he'd just opened himself up for some kind of attack blindly stupid. So that was a double blow to how he fit in with the world and he just decided to SHUT IT ALL DOWN. And then reboot basically with not trusting anyone except Wrath kind of. And he decided to be more Mukuro which also included keeping in mind some of Mukuro's goals. Andddd binged on memories.

SO HIS WHOLE HEADSPACE SORT OF DID A BACKFLIP AND FLOUNDERED ABOUT and then righted itself but now it's . . . kind of not quite right. He couldn't commit to being Mukuro but he feels weird about really being Acedia now too. But he's sort of smoothed it all over with a different mode of being! So who knows.

• THAT WAS TERRIBLE. But also what sort of made him realize how between ideal selves he was. And made him cranky. EXCEPT THEN HE IMMEDIATELY CONVINCED HIMSELF ALL THE 'PRACTICAL' REASONS WHY HE DIDN'T KILL LUKE :Db

But it basically made him feel miserable. Because he couldn't stick to anything. Because if he had he would have killed Luke. BECAUSE FEELING MORE NICE FEELINGS MEANS HE ALSO FEELS THOSE OTHER FEELINGS. Because it was a general failure . . .

• . . . doesn't like that at all. He also doesn't believe it though. KEEPIN' DELUSIONAL AW YEAH. But gained like 500% more likely to avoid Luke all the time.

• I DISLIKE TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS ALL THE TIME. Well, no, he doesn't mind the actual subject except Luke is all about being invasive and a dick and INVOLVED and YOUR FEELINGS and besides the fact that it's mentally stressing for Mukuro it's just. Exhaustive. He doesn't have the fortitude and Luke is persistent and he just wants it to stop :B

ALL AND ALL IT IS LIKE MUKURO'S NEUROTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER V LUKE hahahaha. But Luke adds tension to the mental juggling Mukuro does with all of his morals and immorals and selves and all that shit and it really puts stress on the scaffolding of his mind :B And he can feel himself buckle in different places.

OKAY AND SIDENOTES

pre-splosion Mukuro was taking the slow path to being less crazy, but it would have trundled along. IF THE RUBY IS A LIEE would have come out on that. . . depending on how far into it he was he would have a) ignored it and just continued to be delusional :'D or b) had an even bigger break.

HE ALSO IS SUPER SELF-AWARE OF HIS CRAZY. But half the time he is like oKAY RIDING THIS CRAZY IT IS WHO I AM ALL RIIIGHHHTTT!!!!!!! and the other half the time he has serious worries about it. Because he can sort of see into what he's missing in socialization -- but it's so frustrating! And he feels there isn't anything he can do about his crazy either. Also he kind of likes riding it, so he gives in a lot. But if he were in a better place in general he would probably be more worried and try to figure something out with that more. He might even ask for help if he gets to that point.

OH YEAH HE DIDN'T THINK ABOUT BANGING LUKE OR WHATEVER UNTIL THAT THREAD WITH ASCH AND THEN WAS LIKE :|aaa AND THEN THERE WAS THE STRAIGHTJACKET AND IT WAS LIKE :3c ... and he rather enjoyed it but will just ignore it and go on with jackassery because he is like 100% that doing things with Luke when he isn't tied up with result in stupid talking about feelings. So I guess +25 to wanting to put Luke in bondage for all the wrong reasons.

DID YOU LIKE KISSING ME SUGATA :T

YES. if he had more hormones he would do more of it. He can even see the start of some RP sex in there, or at least light bondage play. Break's master/servant fetish was not even a little surprising

also sugata sent Sky to see if he could get you into a straightjacket

DID YOU LIKE KISSING ME BREAK =T

yes. would do it again A+

10% of my sex dungeon is dedicated to you sugata.

HOW IS ELLIOT DOING.

ELLIOT'S COOL YO. Dying in that game sucked on several levels but he is also elliot it was well within his suck endurance. And he made friends with Firebird while NOT EVEN TRYING and has some ideas on how to fuck up Lion's power system so he going to try some shit if the lion runs a game. HE'S MOSTLY CONCERNED ABOUT THE LACK OF RELIABILITY OF THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE. For him Mal saying that she won't guarantee doing anything if the Lion kills people and doesn't want to bring them back was BASICALLY JUST AS BAD as the lion not bringing people back, and 100% lost any possibility of Elliot having any loyalty to her forever...

(Which is funny because I think she was just being tsundere and elliot can't tell)

ANYWAY HE'S OKAY except oh right issues with his brothers who is now just avoiding rike winner 8'D

So is mukuro seriously going to hang on to a pair of handcuffs just for luke.

let's hang out elliot i'll try to not be a loser and flake out.

. . . HE MIGHT. THOUGH HANDCUFFS AREN'T HIS STYLE (too hibari...) may find something else though. Or quest for something else :/a I wonder if Souya would give him a quest for it . . .

Would Luke let Mukuro tie him up :T

OKAY i guess we should play with people who aren't luke and acedia while luke is feeling awkward and avoiding him (which idk how many days i can keep that up... we may have to come up with things)

sob. IT. DEPENDS? Like atm his ability to say no to sex or anything sexual is really very low so even if he knows it's a bad idea he might agree to that kind of thing. BUT THAT IS THE ONLY REASON HE WOULD BE TIED UP. BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU FIND IT KINKY.

outside of something sexual, prooooooobably not, but maybe if it was a like. deal. ANSWER THIS FEELINGS QUESTION FIRST type of thing. And the likeliness VASTLY DECREASES if Acedia keeps trying to leave him tied up afterward for any reason.

HOW DOES ACEDIA INTERPRET THIS...luke liked the kiss thing. is he actually aware of luke's giant crush or. what.

. . . he has no idea it's a giant crush because Mukuro doesn't really get crushes. I MEAN SO FAR WHEN HE HAS KISSED PEOPLE IT HASN'T BEEN AFFECTIONATE REALLY??? So he just saw it as Luke manning up a bit and was like o unexpected. Like he gets that Luke didn't dislike kissing ... but hasn't connected it to any real emotional value? I mean, Gil lets him kiss him and choke him and that has no emotional value.

Luke's thoughts on sadomasochism...

WELL HE DOESN'T HAVE THE PROPER DEFINITION FOR IT FOR ONE. Ven was like 'tying up and hurting people' which made him think of Mukuro's relationship with Riful, but when he mentioned it to Mukuro it was just...being tied up. so yah he doesn't really get it but he CAN TELL that Acedia thinks it is kinky so... 8|?

MOSTLY JUST CONFUSED, REALLY.

As far as BEING BOUND. He doesn't really care for it. He might MORE if it was just super molesty sex, as he doesn't mind bottoming at alllll. But as it is he would really like to be able to touch and constantly feeling kind of off balance due to being in a straight jacket wasn't that fun 8| BUT IF THAT IS WHAT ACEDIA IS INTO....poor decisions will probably be made.

ARE YOU EVER GOING TO OPEN THE BOTTLE 8'|

. . . probably yes.

WOULD LUKE BE SAD IF MUKURO NEVER OPENED THE BOTTLE.

sooort of? he actually cares more about it now than he will in say, a week. Luke has too much going on in his life to really stay bothered by stuff that minor, so he'd eventually just go SIGH OH WELL and forget about it

OTHER THAN YOUR HEART GAME what kind of game do you want ruby to be in next/soonish?

I LIKE MOST OF THE GAMES RUBY IS IN. I hope we get more small turnouts because that really changes Ruby dynamics, I think. Also a game where all of us are there +_+

Is Sugata going to go home after aather now?

Iiiiidk, really. it depends on a lot of things (mostly Wako). He honestly has no special desire to, but no special desire to go anywhere else, either.

what would acedia think if he did realize luke is basically in love with him...

DEPENDS ON WHEN HE FINDS OUT.

RIGHT NOW HE DOESN'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO PARSE THAT CORRECTLY. Because the relationships he has positive feelings about in his memories are like. Chrome (Kokuyou!), Lancia and Masato. Kokuyou relations are fucked though it is definitely "love" in that. Special sense of bizarre egotism. Lancia and Masato are lovecrushpossessdestroy. . . . so he would kind of just ??? realize it meant something important to Luke but have no real good way to deal with it.

Do you know you are in love with me. . . WOULD YOU TELL ME . . .

Yeeesss..? [handwave?]

Dawn is FAR MORE AWARE of his feelings than Luke ever was, partly because he isn't distracted by saving the world, and partly because getting his memories back in small flashes puts an emphasis on what he was feeling at the time, and paaartly because he actually has some sex stuff happening. He has probably had a crush on Mukuro since the days of Dick/Gluttony, but he only really become aware of it when he started kissing Kaworu.

ANYWAY he doesn't really parse it as 'in love with', because to him his ACEDIA OBSESSION MUST SAVE I HAVE A MILLION FEELINGS is separate from his Acedia is hot and i want to make out with him =x crush. But in reality they aren't. that separate. HE'S SUPER HYPER AWARE OF THE CRUSH and becomes more so the longer things go on and he DOESN'T have any sexual outlets. but he still doesn't connect the fact that Acedia breaks his heart on a regular basis without even trying to the fact that NO ONE ELSE CAN DO THAT. because acedia is someone he is in love with.

AND HE HAS TOLD YOU HE LOVES YOU BUT YOU NEVER LISTEN1!! 8(

as for being IN love with him. no. Not right now anyway. And he thinks Acedia already knows about the crush CUZ WHAT ELSE COULD WANTING TO KISS HIM MEAN1!1

will acedia be jealous if luke sleeps with other people (literally sleeps with) or was that reaction to dusk special to the fact that knows luke loves dusk best?

DUSK IS SPECIAL.

cos mukuro doesn't reaaallllyyy care if his things (:p) sleep around as long as they always come back to him. That added layer of reassurance e t c. There are certain lines, like sleeping with the enemy THAT IS JUST AWKWARD but he doesn't care in an invested way. He doesn't really attribute physical contact/sex/affection like that to signs of personal betrayal or monogamy either so.

we could have a great open relationship besides the fact i want to step all over dusk's face sometimes.

DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE DEAL YOUR TWIN MADE WITH ME.

also besides the fact that you are a moron and an asshole1!

But yes you are possibly the only person around who is just as polyamorous as luke minus the amorous part.

No. Dusk probably won't tell Dawn either since he is using it as some sort of feelings outlet. That said, he wouldn't really mind if he DID know, tho he would keep an eye on it. Dawn trusts Dusk completely and trusts Acedia probably more is that is wise but maybe not more than is deserved.

if acedia knew about dawn's convo with Souya and what was said, what would he think.

are you calling me a slut

. . . he wouldn't . . . IT WOULD MAKE HIM REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE because it is a lot of caring . . . and he might just . . . pretend he didn't know it happened and ignore it.

but it would weigh on him a bit and idk idk idk MAKE HIM CRANKY? Also think they were both wrong 8|;;;;;;;;;

WILL YOU GROW YOUR HAIR OUT LUKE or keep cutting it to keep it short.

yes

He's growing it out! It's probably getting kind of shaggy around now, and in another month or two he can put it in a ponytail AND I THINK BOYS IN PONYTAILS ARE ADORABLE =X

He isn't sure if he WANTS to grow it out or not yet (mixed feelings re: the reason for cutting it but wanting to look more like dusk again and also dusk's hair is nice =x and if he had long hair maybe dusk would play with it? =xx) but for right now he's growing it and he can always cut it later.

what would mukuro do if souya and dawn stopped fighting long enough to actually talk to each other and be friends

cry. well no not really but he would realize THIS COULD POSSIBLY NOT END WELL FOR HIM since between luke and souya they probably could form very informed . . .opinions . . . of what was really going on. IT WOULD PROBABLY PANIC HIM A LITTLE because secrets, etc.

How would Dawn react if he saw Mukuro's childhood memory :|a

Sob. Be super empathic and upset. How upset he would be would depend on the emotional strength of the memory. Like, if he got the flower, that is pretty diluted. but if he gets it in mukuro's heart or from the glasses or something, that would be really hard on him.

However, he would okay, possibly after a good cry and maybe extensive cuddling. It wouldn't really impact his opinions on muuuch except for a deeper realization of how dark the world can be. He would be all souya and decide to hate humanity, and in fact he would still lack the capacity for hate. He would wonder what happened to the people that tortured mukuro that they thought torturing kids was acceptable =|a and thus become the only person ever who felt pity for the estrano adults

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MUKURO. re the ruby/not ruby issues and also the jesusness and pushiness and just. categorizing luke AS A PERSON.

i hope you never tell me that luke because i may stab you.

no. i refuse to do it.

luke's thoughts on the cohabitation game?

he probably...might by then learn. to not say things like that (he keeps showing pity for people not ruby around gokudera and making dera mad and he is trying to make mental notes to stop)

NO YOU MUST DO IT

also i realize i phrased that wrong

typo

*WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME MUKURO

I THINK YOU'RE REALLY ANNOYING AND I WISH I COULD KILL YOU SOMETIMES AND THE FACT I CAN'T IS EVEN WORSE BECAUSE IT MEANS I CARE AND I DON'T LIKE THAT AND I GUESS I DO SOMETIMES ACTUALLY TAKE YOU ON DAWN AS DAWN BUT I AM NOT TELLING YOU THAT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

does luke get why dera gets mad then . . .

He does! Especially after the last time it happened. Dawn tends to have higher expectations of the people around him, and he is big on encouraging people to better themselves and understand more, but Dera takes it as YOU AREN'T SUPPORTING ME which isn't how he means it, but he can understand that if it was reversed Dera would definitely support him (even if it is illogical and not at all what Luke wants) so he can also change himself by angling things different. He still won't be like YES DERA IT IS OKAY TO PUNCH PEOPLE but he will try to smooth things out by focusing on the other party more.

I DON'T GET WHAT THIS MEANS: "I GUESS I DO SOMETIMES ACTUALLY TAKE YOU ON DAWN AS DAWN BUT I AM NOT TELLING YOU THAT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE."

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